I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
