I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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