Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
