I hate your face
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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