she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
