Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
