Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
