how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
