I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
