Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
