I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
