I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
