oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
