The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
