He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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