i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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