That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
