i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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