The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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