ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
