I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
