ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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