Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
