Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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