You smell like stripper and shame
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
