Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize