your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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