i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
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