He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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