I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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