I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
