I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
