So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
