It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
