my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
