I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
