If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
