I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
