Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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