sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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