I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
