how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
