I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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