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I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
