I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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