i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
