Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
