Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
