So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
