whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
