if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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