he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
