i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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