While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
