The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
