I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
