You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
