I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
