FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
