smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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