Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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