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Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
there is glitter all over my balls
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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