So many bounce houses so little time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
