Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
