I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
