he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
