i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
