You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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