I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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