This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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