She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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