Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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