Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
