I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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