Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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