Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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