Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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