What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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