Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
