Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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